So, when I commented on Waiting for the Light just earlier, it was mainly to suggest that this kind of a story would have worked better if its underlying purpose was better concealed by genre trappings. It appears that Kieran had reached the same conclusion himself only a few years later (and over a decade ago) with this work!

Now, I'll have to say that one of my favourite parts of Kieran's best works (A Princess of Zamarra, The Word Fell Silent and A Strange Week For King Melchion The Despicable - possibly Hunger Of The Wolf too, which is next on my list) is the subversive humour, the "grime" of his worlds and the frequently ambiguous moral standings of his characters (both leading roles and the supporting cast.) As such, I cannot enjoy this one as much for the simple reason that the Arthurian setting is obviously rather inhospitable to those three elements. It's not impossible for an Arthurian story to incorporate them (Pendragon does a pretty good job with all three, even if other flaws compromise it in the long run), but not in combination with the particular twist used here.

I still think that this is a good work, and certainly superior to Waiting for the Light (let alone A Midwinter Carol) - just not one of my personal favourites. It being a Windjammer entry means I cannot really criticize it too harshly either, considering the time limits of that competition. The other, 100-ref limit, thankfully causes almost no situations when you feel overly constrained in the options available. Only exceptions I can think of is the inability to simply tip over the barrel of skulls at 48, or to try any of the heavier armour at 27.

Mechanically, my only concern is that the complete lack of any healing might be taking the theme a little too far. You can know everything you need to do to win, and still be sure just enough rolls wouldn't turn against you at any point. In some gamebooks, this can be a source of tension (i.e. Nye's Song), but for whatever reason, this doesn't really come through here. At the same time, I thought highly of the way you first need to elevate your starting skill, and then might end up seeing it reduced in various encounters which reinforce the theme.

Finally, proofreading.

13

" but you walk straight into another wall.Suddenly the walls" (missing space)

+ "their resistance ceases laving you to"

20

"You the figure" (?)

34

"
"than you have any logical reason to do." (is "do" needed here?) + " some battles need (to?) be fought alone"

39

"As you walk in between each pair thought," (?)

40

"cheer the imps on unison,"

41

"The handsome knights shakes his head."

43

That run-on sentence which takes up almost four lines feels in need of extra punctuation - perhaps something between "play with" and "there is"?

60

"This is it the day we've been working towards for months: your trial." (Possibly a missing comma?)

61

"extend from the tripods base"

68

"No sooner have you picked up this book than the other fall to the ground with a dull thud." (Probably others?) + "Apparently to find the sword you need (to?) "follow the written word." "

74

"a section of the eastern wall slide back to reveal"

76

"The hideous undead monstrousity" + "As you look on, the foul former woman he battles" (unneeded comma?)

90

"ice-cold talon seizing ahold of"

I love this.

83

"'An arbitrary decision,' remarks Lancelot. 'But sometimes our fate is in the hands of such things. Which route shall we take?' "

and this.

58

"you stand in sullen silence, too ashamed to join the conversation now, feeling like a child among adults; no warrior at all."

103

"If you win," - should probably be "as you win"?

Kieran
Fri Sep 8 22:54:28 2023

Now if King Melchion got lukewarm reviews at the time, this one was pretty much universally panned! So glad to see you liked it. My idea was just to do a standard Livingstonian gamebook with some Arthurian window dressing but I panicked that it was too generic and so rehashed some ideas from Waiting For The Light as well as making some meta-comments about Livingstonian gamebooks in general. I am quite proud of how I structured the maze even if the rest of it wasn't wholly successful.

JS
Sat Feb 10 10:18:14 2024
Star - optimum ending reached

Well done indeed

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