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I was like 'Holy crud' at the boss after pravimo.The problem I had was that I under the impression that there was no combat until near the end.

And the way i went through the game before,there wasn't.

you need to have the Stringiamano with you. You meet it more than once along the way; the 3rd time you beat it, you must choose to trap it instead of trying to destroy it

I've gotten the weapon to kill the count,but halfway through the fight his butler,d'onnifrio (sorry if I spelt it wrong) runs off to get the 'brothers'.I kill the count but the brothers then kill me.How do I avoid this?

To strengthen yourself you need to go through training with an energy whip. This is done in the VR suite.
To weaken the Queen, the sandwiches will give you the clue. It's not about the order they are eaten in, but which one is left over to give to the shrivelled man. Since there is more to do afterwards, I'll tell you that you should give him the salad sandwich.
Regardless, you can still defeat the Queen, it's just much harder.

I've met the sapling but can't work out how to weaken the queen/strengthen myself especially as I read the true path has no combat until the end, which rules out a few choices in the citadel. I've tried all the VR suite choices (i think) but seemingly no help there. Any clues... I'm so close it's really frustrating. i did beat the queen once but died because of the bush wouldn't help me. But I didn't do anything to weaken her specifically an I I haven't been able to do so again. Also, I eat the sandwiches in a different order each time but don't see what the consequence of this is.

Is there any way to complete the game so it DOESN'T end badly? I just killed the Trinitour, yet still I get consigned to oblivion. Is there some other ending?

You have to get the Time spell, go back to the very beginning of the game, and immediately use the Open Door spell.